Cada dia, cada vez...

Je ne suis pas tres content maintenant. And that is all I have to say today.

The sun is shining, there's plenty of light. A new day is dawning, sunny and bright.....you go Luther. I just wanted to slip that in there...lol It is a nice day out today. I won't be able to enjoy it yet because I have some things to do around the house. I got a call from someone yesterday who saw my resume on monster.com. I called him back but I will have to see what happens. I am extremely happy to get a call. Especially when things are not looking so "in the bag" with officeteam. I hate temp agencies they are at times a big waste of time. I am a pretty good mood I guess...I was extremely depressed yesterday. I really felt like making a vertical line on my wrists...lol but I am all better now. Anyway I have to go and make like a good little wifie now so I will have to end it here.

Today is my mom and stepdad's anniversary. I believe they have been married for 12 years. Congrats to them!! I don't know what I am going to do today. The house looks a mess of course so Javier and I are SUPPOSE to clean together today but we will see what happens with that. I feel somewhat better about the job search because it looks as if I may have a chance with a couple of positions I am interested in. It looks like I will be working full instead of part-time. I will miss my girls of course and being with them during the day but the reality is I can help them more by working and buying the things that they need. I am no Mrs. Cleaver. I try but I just can't seem to grasp the domestic process. Everything is going to be quite a challenge at first but I have no choice but to push forward. There is so much I want and need to do with my life and it seems as if now I am at a stand still because just about everything takes money. I am feeling more positive though and that is a really good thing right now.

I am sitting here looking at the computer and there is so much I want to get off my chest. Javi is in a wierd mood, not saying much and when he does he sounds like he is pissed at me or something. I am just not up for a confrontation right now. I know one problem is it is friday nite and that is his nite to go out. He decided on his own not to and now I feel like shit because I know that he would rather be at wild wing or the grad with than here with me. He's been at work all day and he doesn't want to come home to babies crying yet another nite. I don 't work so I can't possibly understand how hard it is. I do understand though, because I have been with them all day so I definitely know how annoyed I would be if I went to work and came home to the SSDD(sameshitdifday) Javi works hard and I know he does a lot for us- I just don't like feeling guilty because I don't work -but that will change soon once I get at least a part -time gig. Life has got to get better than this right? It sucks going to the store and having to budget ourselves or not spend more than 12 dollars because we have to pay rent. I am up to my ass in debt. The first thing I am going to do when I start working is get myself out of debt. Payoff everything I owe. I am not even thinking about splurging on shopping for new clothes because there are so many more important things. I am only in my late twenties there is no reason for me to be in the same financial situation 10 years from now that I am in today.Oh well I guess that is all for now...both babies are sleep so I am going to sneak in a nap.

Today I PLAN to go to the hotel up the street and apply there. I say plan because nothing is certain when you have two kids under the age of two. I need a job like Whitney Houston needs a new hit. I am pretty sure I will get the job partially because it is just some crappy position that they will probably give to any one and since I am no one I will fit right in. I want so much for something good and positive to happen..I need something to lift my spirits and make me smile. I need an excuse to make myself beautiful for the day-or at least half-way decent. I am starting to feel a little sad so I am going to stop here and just go start the day.